Showmanship!

"Youth is, after all, just a moment, but it is the moment, the spark, that you always carry in your heart."  Raisa M. Gorbachev
 

William Stokkebroe, age 2, showing what he has learned at the Galla opening.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=4wt824D1Bqg

"I will never be an old man.  To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am." Francis Bacon

An elderly couple walked into the lobby of the Mayo Clinic for a checkup and spotted a piano. They've been married for 62 years and he'll be 90 this year. Check out their impromptu performance.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RI-l0tK8Ok0&feature=player_detailpage

(Both totally stolen from my sisters Pinterest board.)

Relationship

Obedience with some gratitude.  Is that too much to ask?

Beer, it’s not just for breakfast.

As a young man, one of my patients had a kidney stone and was admitted to the hospital. (This is back in the day when inpatient was the protocol for almost any malady.)

 

'

So his doc tells him he needs a strong diuretic.  (A medicine or substance that makes you pee.) As it turns out, per this doc, beer is the number one substance for producing a whole lot of pee.  “Want to know the best part?” my patient asks.  “The insurance paid for it.”  Just think of how many bars would jump on that insurance-paying-for- beer band wagon. Prove your patrons are in need of peeing and you would be in business!

 

 

 

Years ago, I worked in a hospital that was in the middle of a huge Mormon community.  And because I am the way I am, a brief, semi-related story. My office was the cupboard under the sink in the break room. (Not kidding.) One day the dietitian had ordered me a professional name plate and had she had taped it to the cupboard door. Totally hilarious.

 

So a patient came in who had a hip fracture along with a drinking problem.  (Probably some correlation there.) The doc decided that requiring him to go through the DT’s while recovering from the facture would probably not have a good outcome.

 

He asked the guy how much and what he drank. The doc wrote an order requiring that the hospital kitchen provide both beer and scotch.

 

Remember, this is Mormon territory and none of the kitchen girls had ever been inside a liquor store much less actually purchased alcohol. Evidently there was panicking over being seen by a church leader going in and out of the liquor store.  Not sure how they worked it out (drawing straws maybe) but the requirement was met.

 

To return the favor of my newly recognizable door, I bought the dietitian a pair of eyeglasses with fake nose disguises. Freedom to go out of any unsavory establishment with anonymity.

Customer Service and the Lack Thereof

The Telephonically Challenged

I was eight years with T-Mobile.  Their customer service was pretty good.  Solid B to B+ range.  Then it plummeted.  So, unwilling to expend any more money on fees, I waited a year for the contract to expire before cancelling.

 

 

 

During that year, with little or no self-preservation skills, the geniuses would call. “Just checking in and by the way, don’t you want to renew your contract? It’s going to expire in 8 months and you really want to jump on that.”  Then 30 seconds in to the call, “Ma’am, we don’t have to listen to abusive comments.” So here is an idea, look at the call log on my account.  Notice that there just might have been an extensive and ongoing history of displeasure.   Then say to yourself,  “Hmmmm.  Perhaps this is not the customer to market to.”

 

Free of the T-Mobile burden, and unwilling to obligate myself by contract, I get a month to month service. Then, as discussed, my phone either develops self-awareness or becomes demonically possessed because calls are no longer under my control. Phone goes back to some country providing outsourced services and the new phone arrives.

 

I know what you’re thinking, but wait, it gets better.  My old phone number was assigned to the kid’s new phone so when my replacement phone came I could change it back to me.  Lord knows no one calls me as it is so if they had to remember a new number my chances of interaction are nil.

Customer care is located in, well it’s hard to guess where but somewhere over seas. Either that or there is a population of English as a Second Languages somewhere in a call center in Ohio.

So after many, "Ma'am I would like you to turn you phone off and then on." They assure me there will be no problem changing phone numbers and push this button, wait for an extraordinary length of time while they do who knows what, push another button, power off than on, wait some more while they go on lunch break. And Ta Da, all is well in the universe. Except it isn’t.

Follow up calls. “Well Ma’am, it should be working.” Yep it probably should because that is what a functional company would do.  However, I have direct eye contact with the phone and let’s just assume that I’m not spending hours talking to you just to mess around with you customer service employees.”

Offensive Commentary

 

So I was going to give this a rest for a while BUT the poster boy for the rationally-challenged has spoken and who am I to overlook such wisdom?

Pat Robertson, reading from his very own golly-gee, boys-will-be-boys, school-of-adultery handbook. Admonishment to the obviously guilty party:  

 

“Does he provide a home for you to live in? Does he provide food for you to eat?” “What you want to do it make the home so wonderful that he doesn’t want to wander.”

A bit about David Petraeus’ affair:

 

“The man’s off in a foreign land and he’s lonely and here’s a good-looking lady throwing herself at him. I mean, he’s a man.”

The causes of drinking problems:

“She is awful looking." "Madam, if I was married to you I’d start to drink too."

 

 

Keeping with the whole Taliban too liberal theme, two stories from my very, very brief, school required, internship as a mental health therapist. (I really wish I was making this up.)

 

 

 

Mother and teenage daughter came in.  The father had been molesting the kid AND when they talked about it with their religious leader, he put the blame square on the mom.  Her fault for not meeting all of her man’s needs.

I was also working with a very religious young adult.  Years ago, she had been molested by an active, church going, pillar of the community. Her issue was he remained in good standing with the congregation and she had a difficult time with the hypocrisy. The religious council involved chastisement for her lack of faith in God.

 

 

So  pick one. Offended by Gays occupying the planet or by edicts of trilobite religious leaders.

"The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and three hundred sixty two admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision." Lynne Lavner.

 

 

                

Pinterest – Exactly!

Customer Service and the Lack Thereof

 

 

 



I am an authority on Customer Service because I am a) a customer (and I know that because every month money goes out of my account to pay for goods and services) and b) I can grasp the basic definition of service (which, in my mind, would encompass actually providing the product for which one is paid.)

 

So now that I have established my credentials, I have two amusing little antidotes (and by antidotes, I mean, “Seriously? THAT is your solution!?! While my hair catches on fire and my brain explodes.)

 
 

And, while I am at it, what the hell is up with 58 automated instructions and requirements for information input before I can speak to someone live, resupply all the information and then be transferred?

 

As this rapidly declines into a tirade, I believe I will make this a serial post. So, stay tuned!